Your relationships are like a joint bank account. You can enrich them or deplete them in no time.
When you enter a relationship, you open an account with a lot of hope.
During the initial phase of a relationship, you create more deposits and lesser withdrawals. As a result, the enriched relationship bank balance adds a great value to your relationship and inspires you to be your best.
Every time you kiss your partner, give flowers to your loved one, express gratitude to your parent, show care for your spouse, share something interesting with a friend, you add to the common pool of investment in your respective relationship joint-account.
Massive withdrawal happens when you use abusive words or gestures, when you doubt, blast with anger, taunt, criticize or judge, turn indifferent, ignore and neglect your partner, when you are caught with infidelity or when you burden your partner with your frustrations and blame.
It is natural to expect both account holders to make an equal deposit in a fair way. However, that does not happen always. An unfair way of deposits and withdrawal can severely affect your relationship. Besides, the input based on an individual choice and priorities is different for the different individuals in a relationship. At times, people could deposit in different ways which can not be evaluated in debit and credit columns of relationship accounts book.
When the withdrawals are more than the deposits, you experience a severe relationship bankruptcy and relationship can freeze till the time you care to clear your dues.
When the relationship does not work out as per the expectation, it is common to indulge in the ‘blame game’ often leading to an intense argument. Disputes and allegations, however volatile or heated they may be, can not unfreeze your emotionally bankrupt and frozen relationship account.
Regret and anger for not getting adequate interest on the investment can pinch you and deplete your relationship account further.
If you have invested more than your partner, figure out, why would you do that? Does your attitude of overdoing and being over-responsible help your relationship?
If you have been withdrawing much more than creating sound emotional deposits in your relationships bank account, you are likely to be defensive about your attitude.
Insecurities create quite an adverse effect on the way you do banking with your relationships accounts.
The insecurity based, commonest ‘fight response’ would be to take all the responsibilities of deposits. This can invite your partner to take you for granted, instead of valuing you for your generosity. Instead, encourage your partner to maintain a healthy bank account and minimize withdrawals till the time you start generating handsome rewards.
The insecurity based, usual escape or ‘flight response’ would be to create parallel relationship accounts with the hope of getting a more favorable contribution from someone else. That’s how the infidelity in relationships begin. This can, of course, divert the resources. When you do not choose to focus on one relationship account due to the fear of having your existing account bankrupt and frozen, you may open several relationships accounts, and eventually, you find yourself, investing in none of them adequately. You are likely to have several unhealthy relationship accounts due to inadequate and scattered investments.
‘Playing dead’ is the third defense mechanism you adopt, where you pretend to ignore the banking needs of relationship account. For example, having an attitude of “I don’t care” or “ I am fed up!” This is the worst attitude out of all the other coping mechanism because if you do not choose to recognize a problem, you may not even take an initiative to address the problem.
Do you wonder, what could be the right response to re-strengthen a depleting relationship account?
Of course, you can do a lot. Here are some tips to ensure healthy relationship dynamics.
- Do not enter a relationship out of a void of some sort. There is no guarantee that the relationship will continue to fill up your void.
- Constantly explore the ways and means to invite others to contribute to the relationship. Guide them, remind them, demand at times, if needed.
- Be assertive. Express your expectations from a relationship.
- Enter a relationship when you are ready to share or contribute in some or the other way, instead of starting a relationship based on your personal needs and insecurities.
- Avoid using a short cut. Have a long term plan to make your relationship work.
- Nurture your relationship with appropriate and consistent inputs.
- Evaluate the assets and liabilities you have created in your relationship and re-establish the balance on priority.
- Invite others to contribute, and remain open to benefit from their contribution.
- Trust, that you deserve to have a healthy relationship.
- Cherish your partner, cherish the relationship, and of course, cherish the returns on your investment.
