You were born with a natural tendency to bounce back to a happy and joyous state in no time at all. However, as you started ‘growing up’, perhaps you began losing touch with your natural state of happiness; instead you faked a hybrid portrayal of happiness with the hope of rediscovering that natural happiness eventually.
It’s possible that you kept finding ways and means to be happy through material gain, pleasurable stimuli, through social means and relationships. However, not always do external inputs created a lasting state of joy and happiness.
When you searched for happiness in the world outside, you forgot that the world that you saw outside of you, was actually mirroring you. When you were in a happier state, you could manifest a happier world around you. When you felt distressed, you manifested distressing situations accordingly. Blaming external situations for your unhappiness is like blaming your own creations and manifestations. It almost makes no sense, does it?
Now, you may ask, how does one discover a more consistent and genuine level of happiness? If happiness is from within, why the heck is it so tough to find? Why on earth should I look for happiness in relationships, parties, pampering myself; why try search for it through success, substances, material stuff etc? The more I chase them in search of happiness, the more ‘that’ happiness seems to elude me.
So, these are the steps I recommend.
Step 1) Stop blaming circumstances and others for your unhappiness.
Even if you believe that others made you unhappy, even if your circumstances made you unhappy, you had a choice of responding to them in a better way. You perhaps did not know how to respond to them better. Waiting for things to be undone, waiting for people to change or to realise the mistakes they made, is not going to help you. Figure out how you could bounce back to being yourself once again. How you could be free from the effects of the past unpleasantness?
Step 2) Look for happiness within.
You do not need to look for happiness in the world outside. Happiness is a natural and joyous state of existence that you have had in the past. It’s buried deep within, find ways to reach it.
Step 3) Penetrate the claustrophobic layers of your personality.
Accumulation of hurt, pain, resultant defences, generated conditioning, borrowed beliefs and ideas, fear of getting hurt and being hurtful, could all cage your happiness inside these emotional barriers. Slowly and gradually break these barriers down, penetrate through these layers to reach out to your real ‘self’ You may need to be patient as these might be tough shells to crack. More so they could make you feel vulnerable at times.
Step 4) Make happiness a way of life rather than a destination.
In the pursuit of happiness, you could be missing out on a chance to be happy. Make Happiness your companion rather than goal.
Step 5) Free yourself from the guilt. The commonest kinds are:
1. The guilt of being happy when others around you are not so happy.
2. The guilt of making someone else unhappy in the past.
3. The guilt of being unsuccessful in the past.
4. The guilt of rejecting, or being rejected in the past.
5. The guilt of not being what your parents or others expected you to be.
Step 6) Dissociate and de-condition your Happiness.
1. Dissociate your happiness with achievement and success. If you choose to be happy because you were not successful, by your definition of success, you might need to wait for long to be successful.
2. Dissociate material comforts with happiness. All people who have physical and material level comforts are not necessarily happier, and many people who are indeed happy, may not be comfortable in the worldly sense.
3. Dissociate happiness with other’s appreciation, acceptance and popularity. You could currently be dependent on others for your happiness, and that puts you in a precarious situation. You are the most important person in your life. Let other’s responses, criticism, rejection, derogation or unpleasant approach towards you, not hamper your happiness.
4. Dissociate happiness with jealousy. If you felt targeted for being happy in the past, you almost expect others to target you, hurt you, or even be jealous of you when you are happy. For this reason, you would rather he unhappy. Address your unhealthy association. What happened in the past need not repeat itself. Are you not targeting your happiness in order to avoid being targeted by others?
5. Dissociate happiness with stagnation. You may have been pre-programmed to believe that happiness prevents you from growth and evolution; it’s quite likely that you are mistaken. How about evolving in life with and through happiness?
6. Dissociate happiness with attention. If you received extra attention in the past because you were sad, you might just be happy being sad (odd as it might seem) because you got that extra bit of attention in the past. This may not be the current scenario; however, because of the sheer association of unhappiness with attention, you may keep inviting unhappiness each time you need attention.
7. Dissociate unhappiness with insanity. A popular belief is that only insane people and fools are happy all the time. Is it possible that you could be foolishly holding on to this association or belief?
8. Dissociate money with happiness. Not all rich people are happy and not all financially unprivileged ones are unhappy. Money can not guarantee a state of happiness.
Step 7) Address your borrowed and inherent beliefs, preventing you from being happier
1. Something bad happens after you are happy. You almost anticipate a problem after enjoying some really happy moments. If this is your belief, you may not allow yourself to be happy due to a fear of an unpleasant event following those happy moments.
2. Happiness can not last long. You can be happy for a longer and consistent period of time. However, nothing is permanent; that too shall pass. The experiences that gave you happiness can pass. Yet, you could be happy that you experienced something that brought you joy. It is the attachment to the experience rather than completion of the experience could make you unhappy.
3. Unhappy people are closer to God. You choose to suffer because you believe that you can achieve proximity to God almighty by being unhappy. Guess, if you were God, why would you want your creations to suffer and be unhappy?
Step 8 Holistic approach
- Step 8) Take a Holistic approach
- 1. Do regular exercise, especially breathing exercises, to have your endorphin levels higher and working well for you.
- 2. Eat a healthy and balanced diet
- 3. Sleep on time, wake up on time and eat on time. Simple as it may sound, the effect it has on your state of being is profound.
- 4. Get some ‘me time’. Be committed to spend some time doing what you enjoy most. Spend some time with yourself.
- 5. Nurture existing relationships. Spend some time taking care of all your relationships. Maybe a message, maybe a phone call, maybe a dinner invitation. Also take care of non-human relationships. The relationship with your body, the relationship with money, relationship with finances and your relationship with God.
- 6. Take care of your finances. Manage your finances wisely. Use your money in a wiser manner and joyously remain open to receive money without being unduly conditional about the channel through which you receive money
- 7. Be in integrity with ‘self’ and others. When you do, what you feel is incorrect, you often feel unhappy
- 8. Be yourself. You could be happier by being who you are. Do not reject your real self out of fear of being rejected by others.
Step 9 Therapeutic Considerations
- Step 9) Therapeutic Considerations
- 1. Heal the effects of your past traumas, hurts, rejections.
- 2. Forgive others, forgive yourself, and forgive God.
- 3. Address the guilt that you maybe inadvertently carrying.
- 4. Address your self esteem boost and boost your confidence.
- 5. Recognise and fulfill your voids in a constructive way.
- 6. Re-instate a positive outlook towards life.
- Raise your consciousness
Step 10) Raise your consciousness
- Opt to raise your consciousness to have a better overview of life.
- Discover the purpose and meaning of your life. Live life in alignment with it.
- Seek to be in the state of BLISS which is far beyond the state of happiness.
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